this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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