y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
