I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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