Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
