I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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