and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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