Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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