I want to walk on stilts...naked
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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