so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
