He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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