we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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