Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
