This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Say something about gay babies.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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