Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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