Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
