you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
