can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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