I just pynch a tree in the face
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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