I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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