Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
