I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
