Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
