i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
