Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
