this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She announced her abortion via fbk
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
