just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
