for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
