went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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