it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
