I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
