apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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