THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
