My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
