so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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