But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
