i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
