I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
