Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
