You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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