i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
