i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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