Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
