Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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