btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she looked like the before picture.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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