I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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