Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
