y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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