Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im holly from the hills drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
