I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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