Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
