he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
