Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
