I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
